F is for FACING the Facts.Face it – you are getting divorced. The life you knew during your marriage and the new life you are beginning are going to be different. Family, friends and colleagues have probably asked you why you are getting divorced…and you may not even know the real reasons. And for all of you who have asked this question to somebody going through a divorce—please don’t. There are usually many reasons—not just one. Whatever the reasons are, the bottom line is somebody wants out of the relationship.
The decision to divorce may not be the path that either you or your soon-to-be-ex would have wanted to take, but you need to face it and move on. After going through the dark times of the divorce, you may actually find that this is a positive change in your life. Some marriages were just not meant to last. People change, one or even both of you. Try not to dwell on why you are getting divorced, but instead focus on what you can do to make the transition as easy as possible.
Here are some concrete issues that will help you focus and prioritize right now:

  • How are you going to deal with the divorce?  Collaborative, mediation or lawyers?
  • Where are you going to live?  Do you need to move out? If yes, where?
  • Do you need to tell your kids or family?  When is the best possible time and how?
  • How are you going to support yourself?  Do you have your own income that you can pay the bills until things get settled? Do you know your financial situation? Do you have a credit card in your own name?

Ok, now you are getting overwhelmed… don’t. Just go back and prioritize what is the most important issue you need to handle this very particular week. Also, ask yourself what you can handle without adding more stress on yourself. At this point, you need to protect yourself and take short but well thought-out steps. The process of undoing a marriage is going to take time and is not going to get done in a week. Again, getting third parties involved that can see the situation more clearly and objectively than you can at this time, will help you get through the process. Have a plan for how you are going to deal with your divorce.
Face yourself in the mirror and be proud of who you are and how you are going to handle this.