D is for: Is Divorce Good or Bad for the Children?

 

Ultimately, the decision to divorce is up to the adults in the marriage. The question is though, will the divorce be Good or Bad for the children? The answer can depend on what is actually happening in the home before the divorce.

Studies show that in homes where there is a lot of conflict and day to day stress, the children tend to do better if there is a divorce.

Believe it or not, the children hardest hit by divorce are the children of marriages in which there was little to no hostility before the break-up. When couples live their lives in total complacency, drifting along either pretending or not wanting to deal with the inevitable, the children perceive this as “everything is ok”—not good, not bad—just that nothing seems really broken. Complacency does not create a healthy environment for the children or parents.

These children are then shocked by the news of divorce and often feel blindsided. They believed that their home was stable. When given the news of divorce, they are often left confused and badly shaken. After all, why would two married people with no conflict in their lives divorce?

Whether there is conflict or not—if you and your spouse are contemplating divorce, the best approach to take with your children is always to let them know that they are loved. They should never be made to feel like the cause or reason for the divorce.

The good news is children are very adaptable, and if the two of you are ok with the situation, they will be too.  “Children of divorce function only as well as the parents of divorce.”—Tamela Duncan, LSCW

Answers from AZ

About Ann Zuraw

Ann Zuraw, the voice behind "Chicks, Chat and Change", is a Certified Financial Planner (CFP®), Chartered Financial Analyst (CFA®), and Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA™).If you have comments on this post contact Ann Zuraw

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