A is for dealing with an ex who is a bad APPLE.

Dealing with an Ex

What do you do if your soon-to-be-ex is a BAD APPLE?

If you are in an unpleasant situation and do not have any options left other than divorce, please recognize the need to separate yourself from the Bad Apple.

A Bad Apple can spoil everything else in the bowl so it needs to be removed ASAP.  If you feel that you are in a marriage with a Bad Apple, it is probably time to move on.

How do you tell if he is a Bad Apple? Does he treat you with honesty, integrity of intent, fairness, respect or just the opposite?

Chances are if you have reached the point of divorce, you were not treated very well during the marriage—so you can’t expect the ending to be any better—so prepare yourself.  Having a Lawyer represent you is important but it is not going to change the behavioral traits of a Bad Apple.

How do you handle the Bad Apple?

Get a third party in the middle.  Your choices can be a mediator, financial planner or perhaps a therapist. It needs to be someone that will “hear” you and can get through to them without consequences to your own well-being.

How do you deal with the Bad Apple?

  • Keep your distance.
  • Separate the financial aspects from the kids.  Keep good financial records and hire somebody to be in the middle to interface with your ex.
  • Try corresponding by email which can elevate meeting in person or speaking directly on the phone.  But remember, emails can be misinterpreted so be very careful how you word things.
  • Depending on the age of your kids, you may be able to let them handle their own schedule which will help reduce your direct contact.
  • Most importantly…protect yourself. Bad Apples like power and control—even though you are in the process of divorce or are already divorced—remember that usually once a Bad Apple, always a Bad Apple.
  • As difficult as it will be, try to take the emotion out of the relationship. Treat your ex you would a neighbor or somebody you are in business with.

About Ann Zuraw

Ann Zuraw, the voice behind "Chicks, Chat and Change", is a Certified Financial Planner (CFP®), Chartered Financial Analyst (CFA®), and Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA™).If you have comments on this post contact Ann Zuraw

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