L is for LETTING it go.

divorce and letting goThere are times in our lives that we just need to let it go. Right now is probably one of those times no matter what stage of your divorce. It doesn’t matter how few or how many years you have been married. The bottom line is that your life did not turn out the way you had planned, and now you have to take a different path.

Everyone has disappointments and hardships in their lives, but how we cope with them will make a difference now and down the road. Start by asking yourself if you still want to be dealing with this in 5 or 10 years. If we can look down the road, it can help us deal with what is happening right at this moment. Take control of the situation the right way and deal with your feelings now. Talking about how you are feeling will help you move on. Keeping a journal is an excellent way to get things off of your chest and help you deal with them so you can begin the healing process.

Of course, some things will be harder to let go than others, but for your sake and the sake of your kids, you have got to do it. Start with asking yourself— does it matter if your house is a mess right at the moment or that you just didn’t have time to exercise today? Do you think your kids are going to remember that there were some days you just didn’t have a chance to cook dinner from scratch? My guess is that none of these things will it end up mattering in the long run. You have got to face the fact that your life isn’t perfect so join the club…and just let it go.

Some things can be easier to let go than others. For instance, when you are separating the household items, don’t fight over the lamp or the recliner. You are starting over in a lot of ways, and material things should not be at the top of your list. What really matters are the core values that you will be taking with you and not the furniture. If you have kids watching you, remember you are a role model, and they will learn how to handle stressful situations from how you respond and act upon them. Ask yourself what you are going to gain by holding on to something and then think about what you will gain if you just let go of it. Learn to pick the battles that are going to be important down the road and not just for today. Try to avoid fighting over minor items with your soon to be ex. Remember, in the long run; it is not worth it—so just let it go!

Looking into the future will help you deal with what is happening to you today. If you just try to push it to the side and move on without grieving, it will come back to haunt you sooner or later. So learn to deal with your feelings now and handle the situation the best way you possibly can. Letting go can be very hard, but sometimes it just has to be done. There are times in all of our lives, as much as we hate it, when we have to call it quits and move on.

You can’t change what has happened in the past nor can you predict what is going to happen tomorrow, but what you can do is live the way you want to today!

About Ann Zuraw

Ann Zuraw, the voice behind "Chicks, Chat and Change", is a Certified Financial Planner (CFP®), Chartered Financial Analyst (CFA®), and Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA™).If you have comments on this post contact Ann Zuraw

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