W is for WHO are your real friends?

friends in divorceI am not sure if it is just my age, but I find the older I get the less real friends I actually have.  What I have also noticed is that when somebody is going through a difficult time like a divorce, friends can tend to scatter.

How do you define a friend? To me, a real friend is one who is always there for you both in good times and in bad times. I am sure that as a real friend through the years, you have helped and supported many of these same friends who have now scattered. I am sure you have pitched in to watch their kids or made sure you brought them dinner when they had been sick or exhausted or just going through a rough time. How many hours have you spent listening to them pour out their hearts and you never once judged them? But now, when you need them the most in your life—where is their friendship?

I believe that friends scatter for a number of reasons. They may not know exactly what to say or do.  Things may become too awkward and uncomfortable for them so it is just easier to pull away.  Sometimes people might think if it could happen to their friend it could happen to them, so they distance themselves so that there isn’t a chance that the situationof divorce could rub off on them. For a few others, they might even feel threatened or a little jealous by your new independence.

OK, scattering is one thing—but bad-mouthing you is another.  Speaking badly about someone is often a sign of insecurity or being uncomfortable and unable to handle a difficult situation. What can you do? Sometimes you just have to take the high road and let it play out. You have enough on your hands dealing with your own family when you are going through a divorce, never mind having to try and “explain” or “justify” the reason for the divorce to someone you thought would be a supportive friend. A real friend will never force you to justify your decision to them. They will not tear you down but help build you up during a time that you truly need it. They will never repeat things that you have told them in confidence and they will never place blame and make you feel like a failure.

Believe in yourself and your decisions and remember…

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”— Eleanor Roosevelt

About Ann Zuraw

Ann Zuraw, the voice behind "Chicks, Chat and Change", is a Certified Financial Planner (CFP®), Chartered Financial Analyst (CFA®), and Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA™).If you have comments on this post contact Ann Zuraw

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